


follow the line your heart drew

by lgbtxt



Series: what if we go out on a journey to find ourselves? [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Denial of Feelings, Families of Choice, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Insecurity, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confessions, Minor Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Choi Yeonjun, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Whipped Choi Soobin, im making that a tag, kind of, taehyun is the voice of reason, the members call yeonjun all of the possible honorifics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtxt/pseuds/lgbtxt
Summary: He’s had small crushes, so minimal they tend to disappear within a week or less if he’s lucky but never enough for him to call it love.So that’s exactly what Soobin expects will happen once he wakes up from a dream involving Choi Yeonjun of all people.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Other(s)
Series: what if we go out on a journey to find ourselves? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919833
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	follow the line your heart drew

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the lyrics for txt's ost "your light" because i love it so much

Contrary to what people often expect from Twenty-Somethings, Soobin does not actively think of relationships and the likes.

He’s not cynical enough to say he doesn’t believe in love or that relationships are pointless, it just has never been his top priority nor does he seek the so-called thrilling feeling that everyone describes love to be.

That’s not to say that he has never experienced love in any form, he likes to believe that he can love well because he has been loved well, his formative years had been filled with nothing but overwhelming love and care from his family and that love was well returned.

The same can be said for his friends, who have been deeply ingrained in his life since as early as middle school and he makes sure they never doubt how important they are to him, be it with small gestures or grand ones.

Love is a big part of who Soobin is as a person.

Just not romantic love.

He’s had small crushes, so minimal they tend to disappear within a week or less if he’s lucky but never enough for him to call it _love_.

So that’s exactly what Soobin expects will happen once he wakes up from a dream involving _Choi Yeonjun_ of all people.

The second Soobin wakes up he can feel his skin prickling and heart pounding against his ribs from the aftermath of said dream, the vividness of fingertips pressing against his spine and soft, pink, petal-like lips brushing against his own makes him feel dizzy enough the room is spinning.

_“Kiss me a little more, Soobinnie”_

He feels his face flush from the memory.

God, he’s so _fucked_.

There is not a lot Soobin knows about Choi Yeonjun.

He knows of them but he doesn’t really know _them_ , they’re both merely acquaintances who see each other once a month when HueningKai succeeds in dragging Soobin out of the safety and comfort of his dorm room for group outings as he and Yeonjun unexpectedly share the same circle of close friends, they come as far as exchanging polite greetings when they happen to cross paths on campus –their shared major makes it unavoidable, really– but he can’t really label the older as a friend when they have spoken a handful of words to each other, if not less.

He knows they’re seen as a dance prodigy who is known for winning multiple dance competitions –the pride and joy of the performance department– and earning the attention of almost everyone in campus thanks to their talent and unrealistic, almost angel-like looks –because no matter what Taehyun says, Soobin is not as unaffected to pretty people as he may seem– and he knows Yeonjun is a social butterfly, much unlike Soobin himself, as people tend to flock around them with the hopes of getting noticed and they thrive in that spotlight, Soobin sees the way they almost seem to shimmer under the stares.

And as embarrassing as it is for him to admit it, Yeonjun has always been far too out of reach for someone as Soobin to even try to grasp, there is something about them, the way they carry themself with so much confidence in everything they do that makes Soobin feel unworthy of being around them, he can’t help but feel small –even if he’s way taller than them– in Yeonjun’s overwhelming presence.

“Now you’re just idealizing them” Taehyun states without looking up from his Switch after listening to Soobin’s mindless rambling, eyebrows furrowing until they almost touch at the center of his forehead, Beomgyu hums in agreement from his side, adding another coat of nail polish to her already perfect nails.

“You realize Yeonjun-noona is, in fact, a human being,” Kai pipes up from his place on Soobin’s bed, absentmindedly munching on a chip from one of the bags Soobin likes to keep for himself whenever he’s too lazy to make something decent to eat “Right?”

Soobin can’t help but pout, “Of course I know that” he grumbles, avoiding eye-contact.

“Besides,” Beomgyu chirps, blowing softly at her nails “Having a crush on Yeonjun-oppa isn’t the worst thing in the world, they’re beautiful and kind and funny so I can see why you’re crushing on them”

Taehyun scoffs, eyes never leaving his game “Are you sure it isn’t you crushing on them?”

Beomgyu snorts, nudging against Taehyun’s thigh with the tip of her boot, “No need to be jealous, you dummy, I am _your_ girlfriend aren’t I?” And Soobin can almost gag at the soft smile slowly etching itself against Taehyun’s features, almost too prideful like Beomgyu being his girlfriend is his biggest accomplishment, but decides against it because in reality they’re pretty damn cute.

“God, I hate couples” Kai grumbles and Soobin just stares blankly at him.

“You have a boyfriend”

Kai shrugs “And? Besides, we’re talking about your growing crush on Yeonjun-hyung here, don’t try to deflect”

Soobin groans, throwing his head back against the chair he has been sitting at for the past thirty minutes of his rant, “I do not have a crush, it’s just…a dream induced attraction, it will go away in a week like it always does”

Taehyun snorts, finally putting down his console, “You get flustered whenever you’re around Yeonjun-hyung, you get fidgety and blush like you ate three servings of spicy ramen and you aren’t sleek with the way you steal glances at them whenever they’re anywhere near you” Soobin can feel the way the heat slowly rises to the tips of his ears and he stares at his knees instead of at the trio in front of him, “Maybe you didn’t have a crush before, but you certainly have always felt attracted to them”

Kai snickers, clearly amused by Soobin’s obvious despair, “C’mon it’s not that bad, maybe this will become your first actual crush!” He bounces excitedly on the bed, eyes sparkling with the prospect of two of his favorite people getting together.

“As if,” Soobin scoffs, getting up from the chair to instead flop on top of Kai, seeking for the comfort he usually refuses to acknowledge he wants, he ignores the grunt coming from the younger boy, “I’m not good at crushing on people, I know Yeonjun-noona is pretty and kind but I doubt it will last”

Kai pats his hair softly and Soobin lets himself melt into the touch, “You never know, hyung, don’t let yourself close against the idea I think you would be good together”

Twin hums of agreement are heard from across the room, but Soobin chooses not to reply, he cuddles up against Kai instead.

He lets it become a problem for tomorrow’s Soobin.

Turns out, Tomorrow’s Soobin is just as clueless as Yesterday’s Soobin.

Figuring out his feelings is a lot harder when there aren’t a lot of chances for Soobin and Yeonjun to actually interact on a daily basis, they rarely see each other outside of chance meetings in the hallways and their previously mentioned group gatherings at the campus’ café.

So when five days after his dream-induced epiphany pass, he’s almost certain that whatever feelings he thought he might harbor are gone by now, even if he catches himself thinking about how kissing dream Yeonjun felt almost too real and it leaves him unable to function for almost an entire minute. He’s so sure there’s only lingering attraction left by the sixth day and he can go back to normal and forget it even happened in the first place.

But he’s never been that lucky and the universe has a penchant of spitting on Soobin’s feet whenever he starts to feel safe and stress-free, so when the seventh day after his dream comes around he quite literally feels like all of the air has been punched out of his lungs when he catches sight of Yeonjun across the hallway.

If Soobin was a poet he would make sonnets about the way Yeonjun’s white pleated skirt brushes against the skin of their –very soft-looking– thighs, or how the tips of their hair brush softly against their chin even in a half ponytail but as it is, Soobin isn’t a poet and all he can do is stare transfixed as Yeonjun’s eyes crinkle at whatever the person they’re talking to is saying, if he tries hard enough he can see the way they shine under the artificial lights. It’s almost terrifying, how once his eyes fall onto the glimmer of their lips, he can almost taste the pink lip-gloss on his tongue.

Soobin has never been the type to stare at people, he usually has trouble with meeting people’s eyes in general so being caught staring is not something he’s used to. He doesn’t realize for how long he’s been doing it, too busy following the laughter lines next to Yeonjun’s fox-like eyes to realize how said eyes are looking back at him.

He jolts in surprise, and he’s a hundred percent sure his red cheeks are visible from across the city.

Yeonjun doesn’t seem to realize Soobin’s flustered state as they wave enthusiastically, pretty lips stretching into a warm smile that instantly makes Soobin melt like a big pile of goo as he musters all the strength and energy from his body to awkwardly wave back, sending back a smile he’s sure it just looks constipated.

Then he does what he does best.

He bolts out of there.

“Please stop banging your head against the table, you’ll spill the drinks”

Soobin groans, sitting back against the chair and rubbing the increasingly red spot on his forehead while silently regretting all of his life choices. “You’re being dramatic,” Kai follows up Beomgyu’s previous statement, slurping loudly from the straw of his very colorful and sparkly frapuccino.

“You don’t get it,” Soobin sulks, resolutely ignoring the pointed looks from the people he, unfortunately, calls friends.

“No, I think I do” Soobin groans internally at what he knows will be a lecture from Taehyun, something he doesn’t want on a Monday, especially when Yeonjun has yet to arrive and could catch any word from this conversation.

Soobin shudders at the thought.

“Your inferiority complex is so strong you keep being in denial about your feelings towards Yeonjun-noona, for some weird and fucked up reason you believe you’re not good enough for them and your coping mechanism is just escaping situations where you know they will be”

There’s a beat of silence where they all stare at Taehyun in shock, while he casually sips his drink in between tiny sounds of excitement as if he didn’t just heavily psychoanalyze Soobin in the middle of a busy café.

“My baby is so smart” Beomgyu coos, landing a sticky-with-lip-gloss kiss on her boyfriend’s cheek who takes it in stride.

Kai fake gags besides Soobin, pointing his drink at them, “Don’t be gross, please” then points the drink at Soobin “But he’s right, you can’t keep running away from noona or your feelings, it will come and bite you in the ass at some point”

“I know,” Soobin mumbles, taking careful sips from his caramel macchiato as if it will be of any help to avoid this particular topic, “They just make me feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest it’s so weird I have never felt like this before” then he adds like an after-thought, “it kind of scares me, I don’t think they will ever feel that way towards me”

He yelps when a fist lands on his arm, whining at the sting, Kai looks almost apologetic but quickly brushes it off, “You’re not them, you don’t know their feelings don’t assume things just because of your own insecurities, Yeonjun hyung is a person with real feelings who’s capable of liking you back if only you tried to talk to them more often”

He knows Kai is right, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to say it out loud, god forbid Kai holds it against Soobin forever.

“Hey! I’m sorry I took so long but I was helping the freshmen with the new routine!” Soobin immediately stiffens at the voice that has been haunting him for the past week and it almost feels like time freezes once said person plops down on the seat between him and Taehyun.

“Unnie!” Beomgyu jumps excitedly, “I love your outfit, you always look so pretty in anything you wear I could never pull that off” She whines, gesturing at Yeonjun’s get up that Soobin hadn’t even noticed in the middle of his internal breakdown and he can almost feel the way his soul leaves his body.

Because Yeonjun is wearing a _leather skirt._

He feels Kai’s sympathetic pat on his back and he prepares himself for a long, long day.

Yeonjun beams at Beomgyu’s words, “You look gorgeous in everything you wear, Beomie” they coo and smile widely at Beomgyu’s giggle.

“Noona,” Taehyun whines, “Stop trying to steal my girlfriend from me”

Yeonjun laughs, getting rid of their leather jacket and draping it on the back of their chair to reveal a black one-shoulder top, Soobin can feel his sanity slowly chipping away, which is insane because it’s not the first time Yeonjun has worn something like this but everything feels amplified to Soobin now, “You know Beomgyu only has eyes for you, Taehyunnie, no need to worry” they tease, cooing at Taehyun’s pout.

Soobin doesn’t mean to, but he notices the lack of drink on Yeonjun’s hand and the words stumble out of his mouth before he even has a chance to hold them down. “Noona, do you want me to order your drink?”

Yeonjun blinks in surprise for a second, like they didn’t even remember the place they were at, before it melts into a look of, dare he say, fondness. “Thank you, Soobinnie that would be nice” He nods, feeling a little more flustered than he should with just some simple words.

“Iced Americano, right?” He stomps down the feeling of pride when he sees the look of pleasant surprise on Yeonjun’s face, they hum with a nod and Soobin doesn’t hesitate to stand and stand in line to order.

It doesn’t click for him until he’s back at the table and Yeonjun pauses their conversation with HueningKai to smile brightly at Soobin in thanks, their fingers brushing when they take the cup from him. This is the first time Yeonjun has ever called him “Soobinnie” outside of his dream and he doesn’t try to smother the warm feeling inside his chest this time nor does he tries to hide the adoration in his eyes whenever he looks at Yeonjun, he guesses there are bigger things to worry about than his feelings.

Soobin doesn’t see Yeonjun again until two weeks after that.

By then he has long since accepted his fate to be helplessly pining over them, his one-week theory was quickly demolished and left behind the second Yeonjun placed a quick yet sweet kiss on his cheek as a goodbye before leaving the café for class and Soobin couldn’t bring himself to wipe away the traces of lip-gloss from his skin no matter how much Kai mocked him for it.

After two weeks of helplessly pining and being too much of a coward to actually approach Yeonjun on his own volition, the opportunity presents itself in the form of Yeonjun approaching _him_.

He has been holing himself in the library that’s the closest to his own dorm –partly because he concentrates better there and partly because his roommate kindly kicked him out to have his girlfriend over– and drowning himself on his third Iced Americano even though he despises it, all for the sake of a good grade on the essay he actually forgot he had to hand over today, so it’s safe to say Soobin is barely functioning at this point.

That’s why the last thing he expects is for the chair in front of him to be pulled back, startling him out of the sentence he’s currently writing only to be met with Yeonjun’s soft smile, he doesn’t really have time for the damn butterflies in his stomach or whatever but that doesn’t seem relevant when Yeonjun tilts their head in a kitty-like movement.

“Is it okay if I sit with you?”

He wants to say no so badly, because Yeonjun sitting in front of him can only lead to Soobin’s demise and terrible grades because there is no way he will be able to focus when Yeonjun is wrapped up all warm and cozy in a big teddy black jacket, big enough for their tall frame to look small.

But Soobin is _so_ so weak and very much whipped, so it can’t be helped if he instantly softens and smiles at the older, “Of course, hyung”

Yeonjun beams at him, settling down their things on the table and powering up their laptop. “I didn’t expect to see you here, Kai says you usually like to study in your dorm” they peer at him curiously and Soobin has to remind himself that Yeonjun knowing things about him doesn’t mean they are actually interested in him.

He hums, “Yeah, my roommate had…important business to attend in our dorm”

Yeonjun snorts, a contrast to their usually put together persona and Soobin finds himself completely smitten by something so small he thinks it’s becoming a little ridiculous. “Oh yeah I think I understand what you mean” they giggle ( _giggle!!)_ as they type away on their laptop.

He can do this, he can totally work on the rest of his essay with no trouble and no distraction from his crush, it will be easy.

Spoiler: it’s not.

Thirty minutes later and only two paragraphs in he gives up on any sort of hope to actually finish his essay, not when Yeonjun’s lips are pursed into a pout, eyebrows furrowed into a frown as they click away at whatever they’re doing –Soobin guesses they’re working on a song, if the headphones sitting on top of their head and the way they keep bobbing their head are anything to go by– while making these frustrated –and cute– little noises and Soobin is helplessly endeared, nothing but a pile of goo on his chair.

“Noona,” he whispers softly, not wanting to startle them nor bother them, but they’re too focused on their work, letting out angry little puffs of air and he can’t help but frown, not being used to seeing the older in distress, he doesn’t really like it so he decides to reach forward and gently tap on their hand.

They jump a little and he feels a little guilty, sending them an apologetic smile once they make eye contact and take the headphones off, “Sorry, noona I didn’t mean to startle you”

They smile gently, the surprised expression on their face softening as they shake their head, “No, it’s okay, did you need something?”

Soobin hesitates, it doesn’t seem like such a great idea anymore after he disturbed their work time but he powers through anyways, he has already come this far, “I just…you seemed really stressed and I’ve been stuck on this paragraph for a while,” it’s not exactly a lie but he won’t get into details “So I thought maybe you would like to get some ice-cream? To take a break from our work”

Yeonjun blinks a few times, eyes wandering to the roof-to-ceiling windows surrounding them and eyeing the night sky outside a little wearily, Soobin can feel himself color with embarrassment, who even wants to get ice-cream at night? But then Yeonjun huffs a breathy little laugh, looking back at Soobin with a playful glint in their eyes “I think ice-cream would be nice”

“I can’t believe you hate mint choco!” Soobin can’t help but laugh at Yeonjun’s indignity, the older scoffs at him playfully while taking a spoonful of their mint atrocity.

“You’re eating toothpaste right now” Yeonjun gasps, offended and Soobin snickers at the way the older sulks, their distinctive pout making yet another appearance, he nudges their shoulder with his own playfully.

“It’s okay noona, I accept you with your flaws and all” that results in Yeonjun shoving him away, trying their hardest to keep scowling but Soobin can see the way the corners of their mouth keeps twitching and that elicits another round of giggles from him, spooning some of his own plain vanilla ice-cream.

“You’re a brat, I regret accepting your invitation now” they stick their tongue out at him and before this he would’ve probably gotten self-conscious of such statement, maybe feel a little like a burden, but he can clearly see the mischief shining in Yeonjun’s eyes and knows that they don’t mean a word of it.

“But you like me so much, hyung” he coos, batting his eyelashes at them, “My presence is delightful to you”

Yeonjun doesn’t respond, instead they choose to hum softly, smirking around their spoon. The action is enough for Soobin’s heart to go crazy inside his chest, he’s not strong enough for the implications of it so he chooses to –cowardly– ignore it.

“Do you feel less stressed?” He risks a glance at them, quickly diverting his gaze back to his ice-cream.

“Yeah, thank you, Soobinnie it really did help a lot” He doesn’t look at them but he can hear the smile in their voice and that’s enough for his body to relax, not even realizing how tense he was.

“I’m glad,” He musters all of his courage to look at them, only to find them already looking back at him with an undeniably tender look, they look soft like this with no traces of make-up and bundled up in big layers of clothing, they look almost sleepy under the streetlights and Soobin has to hold back from wrapping his arms around them, he wants it badly, to be able to hold them close to him.

They look so different from what he’s used to seeing from them and he likes both versions so much, he likes them so much and he wishes he could meet the other parts of them, he would gladly take whatever they wish to show him.

He thinks what Kai said was right, Yeonjun _is_ very human.

They’re not whatever idealized version of them Soobin made up in his head to cope with his own insecurities.

They’re the most beautiful person he has ever met.

“Soobinnie?” He snaps out of his reverie, feeling a little flustered.

_For how long was he staring?_

“Uh…yeah?” He cringes internally at himself.

Yeonjun grins at him, throwing their empty ice-cream cup in the recycling bin, closely followed by Soobin.

“Do you want to go out sometime?”

He stops in his tracks, and if this was anything like those romantic comedy movies, this would be the exact moment the record scratch would come in.

“Sorry…what?” Yeonjun’s grin widens, if possible and Soobin wishes his brain was functioning enough for him to say anything other than short sentences but not for the first time, Yeonjun has rendered him speechless.

“I think you heard me,” They snicker, leaning back against the library building’s wall, grin slowly turning into a smirk as the look in their eyes become impossibly coy, he’s not the one against the wall but it certainly feels like he’s the one that’s being pinned down with just that one look.

“Like…Hanging out? As friends?” He asks uncertainly, because he could never assume no matter how glaringly obvious it may seem.

Yeonjun shakes their head, “I’m asking you on a date, Soobinnie,” They turn a little shy under Soobin’s dumbfounded gaze, “I like you a lot”

Soobin registers the words, turning them over and over again inside his brain like by doing so they will start to make sense, his mouth goes dry while his heart feels like it’s about to jump out of his chest and into Yeonjun’s hands because there is just no way Yeonjun is actually asking him out right now, outside of the campus library at midnight after going for _ice-cream_ of all things.

_Yeonjun likes him._

_Holy shit._

Apparently they take his stunned silence as an answer because their entire demeanor changes in a matter of seconds, shoulders hunching a little and flirty expression being replaced by something Soobin has never seen on them: insecurity.

He’s quick to jump in before they misunderstand him or any of his dumb actions, “I would love to,” He blurts out, feeling the burn all the way to the tip of his ears, “I like you too, noona,” he absentmindedly kicks at a stone on the asphalt, “A lot, actually”

The smile he gets in return is enough for any other thought he could possibly have to pop like a balloon, he doesn’t realize he’s smiling just as wide until the two of them are bursting into giddy giggles.

He likes them so much and he tells them just as much, enjoy the way their cheeks color with the loveliest rosy color and how their teeth sink softly onto their bottom lip.

And after weeks since the dream happened he’s painfully reminded of what caused all of this in the first place, of the dream that brought all of Soobin’s –obvious– feelings to light, because even if he was in deep denial for the longest time it was nothing short of obvious how he has always liked Yeonjun, from the very first day Beomgyu introduced her pretty friend to all of them.

“Noona” he whispers then, not realizing how close they have gotten until he hears Yeonjun’s breath hitch.

“Yeah?” They whisper back, fingers gripping onto Soobin’s cardigan softly, almost like they’re afraid he will pull away at any second, like it is the last thing they want.

“Can I kiss you?”

There’s a beat of silence and then Yeonjun is nodding shyly, fingers tugging Soobin closer to them, until their noses bump softly against each other. Soobin looks into their eyes one last time, giving them a chance to back out but he’s met with no resistance, only anticipation.

That’s enough for him to place his hands on their cheeks, closing the last bit of space between them and pressing their lips together.

He feels a little euphoric in the way their lips glide against each other, it’s everything and more than he ever expected, what he has dreamed about, because dreams fall short in comparison to the faint taste of cherry on his tongue from the chapstick Yeonjun must be wearing and he finds he doesn’t mind the taste of mint, he feels a little dizzy from it, pressing closer to them until their back is flush against the wall behind them.

Yeonjun makes these noises in between kisses, breathless gasps that feel like molten lava running down Soobin’s spine as they arch against him, seeking for more and Soobin gives back just as much, fingers threading into soft pink strands.

It’s way too soon for Soobin’s liking, but they pull apart after what feels like hours, panting into each other’s mouths.

He’s about to dive back in but then Yeonjun laughs softly, “I’ve waited a long time for that”

Soobin blinks down at them in shock, “Really?”

They hum, nodding as they snake their arms around Soobin’s waist in a gentle embrace, it makes him feel unbelievably warm and safe. He can’t help but caress their cheeks with his thumb, watching fondly as their eyelashes flutter against the apples of their cheeks.

“Yeah, I’ve liked you since a few months ago but I wasn’t sure you even looked at me that way”

Soobin scoffs, “I’ve been smitten the second you smiled at me, I was just too dumb to realize until a few weeks ago…I was literally smacked on the face with my feelings because I dreamed we were together”

Yeonjun giggles, leaning against his chest and tilting their head up, “That’s good to know then, you have to tell me all about that dream”

Soobin smiles way too wide, bending down a little to brush their noses together in a soft eskimo kiss that seems to make Yeonjun melt against him, “I think we’ve got a lot to catch up with, don’t you agree?”

Yeonjun wiggles their eyebrows at him playfully, “We better get started then”

That’s everything Soobin needs to hear to bend down the rest of the way once again.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back with yet another trans txt fic and i will try my best to keep writing these because they bring me so much joy and gender euphoria, i hope you love these as much as i do!
> 
> also taehyun is transmac even though it's never mentioned, also i mentioned kai has a boyfriend but i never had anyone in mind when i wrote it so you're free to imagine whoever you want!
> 
> thank you sm for reading and pls leave comments and kudos if you can!! ^___^


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